Archive for July, 2009
Teaching kid to wait
Teaching kid to wait
We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.
When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.
For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.
Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.
We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.
As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com and freelance writer. She maintains her own personal blog at http://emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com as well as one on traditions at http://alastingfoundation.blogspot.com
You can contact Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com
How to burb your kiddo
Parenting Video by Tony Hawkins
In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that: Of course. So what? I’m glad Mr. Dye is speaking out and I share his desire to stop bullies and harassment, bullying and abuse in schools. The reason I’m sarcastic is that I think these studies, done by interviewing 269 middle school students in four schools in North Central Florida, are typical of the thought process and pseudo-scientific research that says that: However, these assumptions are all false and this research adds nothing we didn’t already know. And the generalizations they’ve already come up with are contradicted by evidence from the recent suicide deaths of four girls in Schenectady, New York. We already know that getting the kids involved in anti-bullying programs is critical. We already know that it’s crucial to teach children what to do when they are bystanders and see bullying. In order to incorporate that knowledge into anti-bullying programs, we don’t need to wait until there’s more pseudo-science research to prove that point. In summary, we know that it’s everyone’s job to stop bullying in schools and everyone’s help is necessary, especially the kids. No one group can make a program work if the other members of the local community resist or are uncaring. The programs in New Hampshire are only the latest reports documenting what we know already. Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success: Anti-bullying laws are necessary to force reluctant or uncaring district administrators and principals to act. They’re also necessary to protect principals and teachers who do act from bullying parents who defend their little terrorists and threaten to sue the principal and school for harassing their little bully. That’s like in the Harry Potter series where Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco. The biggest problem in stopping bullies is not the lack of research about bullying: It’s the lack of skillful effort being put forth by the most caring people. At many schools, well-meaning principals and teachers need to join forces with a core group of parents to get programs in motion. At other schools, frustrated and angry parents need to rally other parents in order to force uncaring or cowardly school district administrators and principals to make effective school policies and then take act promptly and strongly. Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1 Ben Leichtling, Ph.D. is author of the books and CDs “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “Eliminate the High cost of Low Attitudes.” He is available for coaching, consulting and speaking. To find practical, real-world tactics to stop bullies and bullying at home, school, work and in relationships, see his web site and blog http://www.BulliesBeGoneBlog.com
Parenting Video by Tony Hawkins
Bullying in our schools? Who’s job is it?
End Sibling Rivalry
End Sibling Rivalry
If you are a parent of more than one child you may find that sibling rivalry adds a great deal of stress to your life. And worse yet unfortunately, by allowing the process of sibling rivalry to work itself out, it adds additional stress to a parent’s life. The key to handling this as a parent is to be aware of the benefits of sibling rivalry and help your child enhance these skills in other positive and productive ways. Some of the skills to enhance the benefits and avoid the pitfalls of sibling rivalry are as follows:
· Always use prevention as your best defense. Since most fighting is a way to draw your attention to them, try to short circuit that from happening in the first place. You will want to incorporate special time with each child. Try to set up schedules, stick to them and make yourself available to each of your kids. You can have your kids go on special outings with each parent and do different things with each child.
· Give your kids a break from each other. If it is at all possible, separate your kids. It is important to let them have time alone while driving, at a friend’s house, visiting relatives, etc. Remember just like adults, kids need their own time and if they get cooped up in the same space for a long time they get irritated.
· Everything is not about sharing. While sharing is an integral point of getting along, often fighting occurs because kids feel out of control. Have your child choose two or three things that are theirs and theirs alone. Put the items on a shelf or in a special box and make it known that these are items that they do not have to share. This way your child feels like he has some control over his things and may be much more likely to share other items with his siblings.
· Always strive to appreciate your kids at all times. At certain times in life this can be more difficult (the teen years for one). Try to notice how often they get along without fighting. Pay special attention to their good qualities and what is unique about each child and remember that it’s their job to work things out, not yours. Remember your job as a parent is to be a role model, promote good feelings, open up clear lines of communication, develop mutual respect, and monitor your kids and their needs.
· Teach your kids to develop problem-solving skills. You want to give your kids the guidelines and skills to solve problems for themselves. Problem solving skills are often one of the things many adults lack. You can ask each kid during a family meeting how he or she can get along better with their sibling. You will want to discuss what things they might need from the other and ways to brainstorm possible solutions to these problems.
· Let go of the perfection expectations. As a parent you need to let go of your urge to worry and your expectation of being a perfect parent. The same thing goes for your kids. Despite all of your best efforts, if you have more than one child, prepare yourself that at some time they will fight and its o.k. It can also be important to learn how to roll with the punches and to ask yourself, “How big of a deal will this be in five years?” Learn how to enjoy life and laugh a little more and your kids will be better for it.
Visit http://www.surfnetparents.com for more For more parenting advice and ideas.
How to give your baby pain relievers
Have a great summer
Have a great summer
With school out soon, parents either feel two things. 1)”Wow, I can’t wait to spend more time with my kids!” or 2)”Oh, boy, here we go. How will we fill their time?”
Parents who work outside the home have no choice but to send their kids to camps or daycares during the the day, but stay-at-home moms or dads need to get creative. If you need some ideas on how best to occupy your kids this summer then what follows will be just what you need.
In order for children to be happy and content four things need to be present in their day:
1) Routine
2) Stimulation
3) Free Play/Alone time
4) Sleep
How do we structure their days so that all four requirements are met? The following is what a typical day could look like:
8 am Kids wake up (or 9 am)
Eat a healthy breakfast
Have free time to play, watch a good quality children’s program (no fighting, violence, or quick flashing images) for a half hour or hour
Learn how to make or bake something with mommy or daddy. This can be a craft or a baked good.
Eat a healthy lunch
Put them down for a nap or if older, take them outside to:
a) a playground
b) a friends house (this way you can have a tea or coffee with another adult while the kids play!)
c) a play gym
d) walk somewhere (grocery store, post office, ice cream store)
e) take pictures of nature with a disposable or digital camera (Children love this! Give them a
brief lesson on how to focus on an object etc. then let them be creative with whatever they
want to capture) Make these pictures part of another day’s craft activity!
f) kick around a ball together
g) walk in the countryside
h) go to a museum
i) go to the zoo
j) send the kids on a scavenger hunt and after they find everything they can enjoy a homemade
popsicle or ice cream!
k) go to grandma and grandpa’s house
l) play catch
m) meet the working parent for his or her coffee break (how nice to visit them during the day for a
short coffee, tea, lemonade or chocolate milk!)
n) weed the garden or grass (believe it or not, some kids really like doing this! Put on some good
music and have an enjoyable time together)
o) take care of the garden plants by watering them, picking off dead leaves etc.
p) wash the car with buckets of soapy water, sponges and shammy cloths
q) turn on the sprinkler(s) and let the kids run through the water (you can either join in or read a
good book while they play)
Come home and let the children have some “Alone Time” (for you as well!)
Eat a healthy dinner
Spend some quality family time together
To bed no later than 9:00pm for younger children and 10pm for older children.
Voila! A perfect day that is routined and stimulating yet has plenty of free play and sleep.
Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly want. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/
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No more tears!
Years ago, we walked a mile to school without batting an eye. Then we walked back home, stopping often at the park to play unattended, unsupervised. After all, it was a park and kids were supposed to play there. These were assumptions we took so placidly in those safer days before Madeleine McCann and Tori Stafford. The stories of these girls’ terrible abductions remind us that the situation confronting parents and caregivers is totally different in this day and age. Our kids are driven to school in buses and cars. We would think twice about letting them walk home alone, unsupervised. Allowing them to play alone in the park or woods behind the house is unthinkable. The result is that our children are growing up with less personal contact with the natural world. As Richard Louv says in his book Last Child Out of the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder, “Today, kids are aware of the global threats to the environment–but their physical contact, their intimacy with nature, is fading.” Are We Depriving Our children of a Connection with Nature that is Essential for Positive Growth and Development? This is the question Louv asks in his book. He makes a strong case for the consequences our children will suffer when deprived of an intimate relationship with the natural world. He makes the case for the growing rise of ADHD, ADD and other behavior problems as a direct consequence of a lack of contact with nature in our children’s lives. Nature Deficit Disorder is showing up as hyperactivity and violence in our society. He cites studies that show how exposure to natural settings (even for 20 minutes) increases the capacity for attention and focus in children. Students who take a 20 minute walk in the park perform better on tests of memory and attention. Other research studies show that children in public housing who have access to green space perform better emotionally and intellectually than those who do not have such access. Tests also show that just looking at nature can improve test scores. Investing in Children Louv insists that time with nature and in nature is an act of investing in our children’s health. It allows them to reconnect with a fundamental part of ourselves that is larger than life and allows them to appreciate the wisdom of cyclical and universal forces. Take our child hiking as often as we can. Replace part of our lawn with native plant. Maintain a bird bath. Have a pebble hunting party in the park or beach. Build something with the stones and pebbles collected. Build a tree house or fort in the backyard. Give our children a pet. It can teach them so much about natural wisdom. Make a daily Green Hour part of the family tradition. Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com
No more tears!
Don’t deprive kids of nature
Imparting Good Values
Imparting Good Values
Values are the principles you viewed to be right and important in life. One of the important areas which parents must look into when raising kids is the imparting of values to their children. Although it sounds easy but to effectively imparting your values to your children can be difficult and it needs a lot of patience and time. Parents have great effects on a child’s future lifestyle, so it will be wise to develop a positive lifestyle for your kids to follow.
So what should you be doing in order to effectively impart your values to your little ones?
1. Your children learn from you
To “do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t apply to the children of the modern world. It will only be smart to set good examples for your kids to follow because they love to learn from you. So do consider the values you will like to see in your children so that you can set an example for them to learn and follow.
For example, if you like to see politeness in your kids, you would need to display politeness when communicating with them or other people. You have to be a polite person before your child can follow your step.
Take another example; if you want your child to be humble, you would have to be humble yourself. You should not be displaying a sense of arrogance or feel too proud when dealing with people. Always eat your humble pie when you commit a mistake to show your humility. That way, they will learn from your value and follow the way you deal with things.
2. Praises means approvals
When your kids display positive behaviours, you should not forget to praise them. Praising is important because it is one of the more effective ways in which you can show your approval to them. Your children feel good and proud when they are praised by you and with such good feelings, they will want to behave positively again and again.
3. Learn from others
Whenever you see suitable situation, you can point out the positive behaviour or misdeed done to your children. Teach them the value of the good deeds done and hence, they can learn from others. There are actually a lot of such situations you can make use of. These examples can be from TV, newspaper or even when you are out shopping with them.
One important point to take note is that never compare your little ones with another child who have just did something good. If he or she is belittled by your comments, you will only cause negative effects on your child’s mind.
4. Get your children to help
I’ve seen parents stopping their child from helping with the house chores because they have a maid at home. Without having to help out in the house, their kid may grow up not knowing how to help others and expect everything to be prepared for him or her.
When children are given the chances to help out in the house, they will develop a sense of responsibility in them. With the ability to fulfill their responsibilities, they can grow up more confidently.
Imparting values can be simple when raising kids. As long as you know how to set examples, expose them to good and bad behaviours, teach and praise them, you will be able to impart your values to them easily.
Jeff Boo is an Educator with many years of teaching experience and a Father of a pair of twins. Both he and his wife are very experience in handling children If you are truly concern about your children’s learning journey, log on to http://www.essentialsforparents.com and sign up for your FREE instant access to the Children’s Resources Centre!
No more tears!
No more tears!
When parents discuss how much media they allow their children, the answers vary wildly. Some parents have very strict time restrictions on their children’s media viewing while others give their children more control over the time they spend on media. How do you know when your child is getting too much media? One mom knew she needed to allow less video game time when her 7-year-old son started not wanting play outside or do things with the family preferring his video game instead. He was so attached to playing his video game that he often pitched a fit when he was told the game had to go off. His games didn’t have a good way to save the game for later so he was reluctant to stop playing and lose his place in the game. She decided to reduce his video game playing to one hour twice a week. She started giving him a 10 minute warning before his hour was up. When the 10 minutes were up, he could either choose to shut the game off or she would turn the power off. It only took a couple times of turning the power off to get him to shut the game down in time. What are signs that digital usage is becoming a problem? If your children are exhibiting these types of behaviors, it’s time to think about reducing the time they spend on media: • Spending less and less time with family and friends If you feel your child is addicted to video games and will react extremely to having limits set, it is wise to seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist. What do the experts recommend? Hilarie Cash, psychotherapist and co-author of Video Games & Your Kids, makes the following recommendations for personal screen time (computer, TV, video games). This time does not include computer time needed for homework. • Under 2-years-old: no screen time She also recommends no TV, internet or gaming consoles in children’s rooms. The primary problem with having these devices in children’s bedrooms is that parents have more difficulty monitoring what’s going on. Won’t it be difficult to set limits? It can be very hard to set limits around digital entertainment. These digital devices keep our children content while we benefit from some free time. However, when we realize our children’s media usage is having a negative impact on them, we need to set some limits despite our children’s protesting. With older children, it can help to explain why we’re concerned about the time they’re spending on digital entertainment. Engaging them in deciding what reasonable limits should be set may help them in sticking to those limits. We may also need to change our own behavior so that we are modeling reasonable digital media usage. While this won’t be easy, it will provide the time to try other activities. Perhaps this will be the summer your family discovers how much fun it is to go biking together! Kathy Slattengren is a noted parenting speaker, trainer and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting provides an online parenting class which teaches effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior. To receive regular parenting tips, sign up for the Priceless Parenting monthly newsletter.
No more tears!
Keeping your kids away from the electronics
• Difficulty focusing on the present moment due to craving video game or cellphone
• Developing health issues such as Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, eye strain, weight gain, backaches
• Withdrawing from sports, hobbies and social interactions
• Losing sleep due to gaming, texting
• Acting irritable or discontent when not using digital items
• Declining grades in school, missing school
• Talking and thinking obsessively about the digital activity
• Denying or minimizing any negative consequences
• Preschool: 1 – 2 hours/day
• Elementary: 2 hours/day
• Junior/Senior High: 2 – 3 hours/day
Summer fun with your kids
Summer fun with your kids
With school out soon, parents either feel two things. 1)”Wow, I can’t wait to spend more time with my kids!” or 2)”Oh, boy, here we go. How will we fill their time?”
Parents who work outside the home have no choice but to send their kids to camps or daycares during the the day, but stay-at-home moms or dads need to get creative. If you need some ideas on how best to occupy your kids this summer then what follows will be just what you need.
In order for children to be happy and content four things need to be present in their day:
1) Routine
2) Stimulation
3) Free Play/Alone time
4) Sleep
How do we structure their days so that all four requirements are met? The following is what a typical day could look like:
8 am Kids wake up (or 9 am)
Eat a healthy breakfast
Have free time to play, watch a good quality children’s program (no fighting, violence, or quick flashing images) for a half hour or hour
Learn how to make or bake something with mommy or daddy. This can be a craft or a baked good.
Eat a healthy lunch
Put them down for a nap or if older, take them outside to:
a) a playground
b) a friends house (this way you can have a tea or coffee with another adult while the kids play!)
c) a play gym
d) walk somewhere (grocery store, post office, ice cream store)
e) take pictures of nature with a disposable or digital camera (Children love this! Give them a
brief lesson on how to focus on an object etc. then let them be creative with whatever they
want to capture) Make these pictures part of another day’s craft activity!
f) kick around a ball together
g) walk in the countryside
h) go to a museum
i) go to the zoo
j) send the kids on a scavenger hunt and after they find everything they can enjoy a homemade
popsicle or ice cream!
k) go to grandma and grandpa’s house
l) play catch
m) meet the working parent for his or her coffee break (how nice to visit them during the day for a
short coffee, tea, lemonade or chocolate milk!)
n) weed the garden or grass (believe it or not, some kids really like doing this! Put on some good
music and have an enjoyable time together)
o) take care of the garden plants by watering them, picking off dead leaves etc.
p) wash the car with buckets of soapy water, sponges and shammy cloths
q) turn on the sprinkler(s) and let the kids run through the water (you can either join in or read a
good book while they play)
Come home and let the children have some “Alone Time” (for you as well!)
Eat a healthy dinner
Spend some quality family time together
To bed no later than 9:00pm for younger children and 10pm for older children.
Voila! A perfect day that is routined and stimulating yet has plenty of free play and sleep.
Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly want. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/
Grazing out of boredom – Parent to Parent – Jennifer Gish …
Anything and everything on raising a child, from one parent to another.
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Workout with the kids
Workout with the kids
Many fathers live a well-rounded healthy lifestyle with regular workouts that involve their kids. First-time dads who think a new baby will interfere with their exercise schedule need not sacrifice their workouts but do need to supplement their parenting skills to include exercising with their kids. The trick here is to come up with kid-friendly routines. These routines are equally rewarding and also help in establishing healthy habits among children.
In an interview to the Associated Press, Heidi Hill, author of Fit Family: The Infant, Toddler and Preschool Years (Vitesse, 2008) explains how parents can hike, bike, run, and even kayak with their kids. Heidi and her husband, Tom have put this into practice by trying out many of these sports with their two daughters, aged 3 and 5 each. ”At the get-go, a lot of it can be miserable. You really have to persevere and know that you’re teaching a lifestyle.”, says Hill.
In the beginning, dads could try to fast walk with a jog stroller or jog alongside their kids as they bike. The key lies in using the right equipment that is not too clunky. A trail-a-bike is a one-wheel option that can be attached to the back of dad’s bike.
Workouts are a great way for dads to bond with their kids. As kids grow older, the positive effects of having family workouts increases exponentially. Dads need to listen to some good parenting advice by self-educating themselves and planning the workout in advance to make the experience fun for the entire family.
Paul Banas is a founder of GreatDad.com. He writes articles on parenting, parenting skills, pregnancy and dads, parenting tips, baby names, baby rooms and many more topics related to dads.
Parenting on the View
Effects of Single Parenting
Effects of Single Parenting
Negative Effects of Single Parenting
Normally when people think about the effects of single parenting, they consider only the negative aspects of the situation. While there is a great deal of potential for a child to develop negative effects of being a child in a single parent home, there is also the opportunity for them to thrive as well. One of the most common negative effects that can come from this situation is a decrease in the academic performance of the child. When the child or children have too much to deal with and are not given a good way to vent their frustration or resentment, they will often slack at school in an effort to gain attention or lash out.
Other negative effects of single parenting can include an increased risk of becoming involved in crime, alcohol or drug abuse, and other delinquent behavior that can negatively affect the child’s future. The reason that children of single parents tend to gravitate towards these behaviors is because of a lack of supervision, or because they do not receive the guidance or attention that they needed in order to deal with their feelings and the loss of a parent.
Positive Effects of Single Parenting
The positive effects of single parenting are often less discussed or applauded, but they do in fact exist. When a single parent takes the time to embrace being both a mother and father for their child and does everything within their power to make sure their child or children gets the help they need, then the following positive effects can occur.
Children of single parents have an increased ability to build stronger bonds with their remaining parent. If that parent opens themselves up and allows their child to come to them with any problem they might have, then the child will develop a bond with that parent that allows them to stay on a focused and responsible path.
Those who are raised by a parent that goes out of their way to get the children the emotional help they need after the loss of a parent have the ability to get better grades in school, shine socially, and to excel in all aspects of their lives without succumbing to peer pressure in order to fit in. Counseling after a parent has left or passed on will give a child all of the tools that they need in order to cope and not rebel or fall into detrimental behaviors.
There are both negative and positive effects of single parenting, and both should be considered closely. If a child is give the nurturing attention that they need during this difficult time, then they can steer away from the negative behaviors that they may have fallen prey to, and will be able to excel the same as or better than those from a two parent home.
Becoming a single parent is not an easy task for an individual to accomplish, and it is often a step that they were unprepared for. There are many side effects of single parenting which have the opportunity to both positively or negatively affect an individual. Find out more at http://www.singleparentingguide.com.
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